Sunday, September 16, 2018

Social Anxiety

Yesterday I attended the wedding of a wonderful young couple from our church. It was a beautiful ceremony. I had only taken my girls to the ceremony then we drove home and picked up Chad and Brian for the reception.

Some people, I've discovered, can attend a party, an event, a fundraiser, etc. with no trouble. They go, they have fun, talk to people, dance, be themselves, and at the end of it go home smiling. They crawl in bed and say, "Wow, that was fun." and go to sleep.

I am not some people.

Growing up, I thought everyone had the same experience I did. Social events and situations pulled the most bubbly and outgoing side of me to show up. So much so that I grew up believing what everyone said "Oh, Bridgette, she's SO outgoing and friendly!" Then I would spend hours that night, or over the next nights and/or weeks replaying every uncomfortable moment, every time I wish I had kept my mouth shut, every time I could have been misunderstood or I felt like someone was judging me by my words or actions in a way I didn't intend.

The years of doing that have worn on me.

Married life, then having kids, has afforded me the privilege of excuse. An out if you will. So for the last 6 years I've limited my social events out of fear. If I just don't go, don't interact, there will be nothing to over analyze and kick myself over. But that hasn't made it better. On the contrary, staying away from those social situations has only made my anxiety about them worse.

I've skipped out on bridal showers, baby showers, birthday gatherings, sending my gifts with other people.

So if you are one of those people that have missed me being at your gathering, please understand I want to come. But my people need their momma to be sane more.

Now excuse me while I try to forget every time I awkwardly made eye contact with someone yesterday.

Mrs. Troyer

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