From October 9th...

Subject: Did I mention prayer?

"At 10:42 PM I'm awake when I should be sleeping. It's not that I'm not tired, been tired since 7:30 tonight. No, I'm filled with endless, needless worry.

As I mentioned, my second appointment is tomorrow morning, and I'm terrified that they might have found something wrong. I have no reason to believe that except for the irrational thoughts in my head, nonetheless I'm still awake.

When it came to baby making, Chad and I landed on the "God can overrule birth control and can close a woman's womb (check out the Old Testament, and for clarification we aren't saying it's always a direct act of God when a couple can't conceive, we are just acknowledging that he has the power to) so why pay for birth control." We prayed for God's protection that if we couldn't support a family to keep us from conceiving, but to bless us with children when he saw fit. Next thing we know, we are pregnant! It didn't take us years or months of trying, so I call that an answer!

So if that's where I stand on getting pregnant, why am I such a worry wart that something will be wrong? Does God not have control? Does he not know the plans he has for each child while they are still in the womb? If, for some reason, God calls our child home before we were to meet Baby Troyer, would that not be fulfilling His higher purpose?

Not that any of that would make it "feel" better if there were to be something wrong, but shouldn't it bring me peace?

Like I said, I have no indication that something should be wrong and that I should be worried. This is just the worry wart youngest child going through all of the worst case scenarios.

I'm headed to some prayer and scripture reading, but I would appreciate it if throughout this pregnancy y'all could be praying that the Lord would help me not give in to worry.

BT

PS Also, you should check out my brother's new blog tinderpile.worpress.com "

As we now know, the second appointment was confirmation that everything continues to look good with this baby and pregnancy. So good, in fact, that Bonnie (a certified nurse midwife in the Alpena Hospital) has agreed to take me on as one of her patients. That means that all subsequent appointments will be with her and that when I go in to deliver, she will most likely be the one called in to deliver Baby Troyer.

Even so, I still sometimes am filled with the worry that I was filled with that night. I'm hoping that once I'm able to feel the baby kicking I'll have some reassurances between appointments that everything is okay.

Overall, prayer is something that I would like to ask for. Prayer for peace, and prayer that this child will be healthy through the due date and beyond.

If you read this whole post, thank you!

BT