Barefoot Thoughts

I'm supposed to be in bed, asleep. I told myself I would be. My brain didn't seem to get the message.


I've written and thought a lot today. I haven't been very productive visibly, but I've made HUGE strides in my mind.


See, for the past weeks, my parents and fiance could attest to the fact that I've been stressed and a bit testy. The inward battle came to it's climax on Sunday. As the worship team practiced, I could feel my attitude go south. I was watching the thought process in my mind not knowing really how to stop it. I left before prayer time and ran home to do a couple last minute things and started a two-day conversation with God.


Getting engaged has been the greatest thing for our relationship (mine and God's). He's done so much in me the past 15 weeks! I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to last much longer on the smooth course it was on. In order to take the next step I knew there would be adversity -- something needed to challenge my faith for it to grow. What I didn't know was what it would be. 


Don't get too excited now, it's nothing big, not yet. Little things before big. I've just been ubber (yes I just said ubber) aware of my yucky personality traits and habits. I've found myself being more needy and demanding and self-seeking. God just as gently as he could pointed them out to me and helped me to see the NEED to change that in my life. 


So yes, I'm busy. Yes I'm still stressed (I'm getting married, I'm not sure that will fade at all until I am Bridgette Marie Troyer). My Father has graciously lavished on me this night, though, a peace. I was looking through my wedding checklist before I read some from Psalms tonight, and for the first time in a while it felt good. He gave me peace that it would work out to His glory if I would quit worrying and just do my best for Him!


I just knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on His Word (which I most desperately need) if I didn't write to quiet my mind.