Grief...

...hit me again. My RA has a friend who is now with the Lord. He left 2 years ago. One night early on in the semester I told her about Josh, and she told me about Mike. We found that we were in similar spots in the grieving process. Well, she has been missing him lately and I was curious as to what had triggered it. She wasn't here to ask, so I went exploring on her blog and found her friends. Finding out the reason left my mind and I was excited to explore blogs (one of my new favorite pastimes). I didn't expect to stumble upon what I did find. Her name is Amy, and she is now my hero. Mike's wife, she is revealing how life was for her 2 years ago, right before, during, and after the accident. I realized who it was and wanted to stop, my mind screamed for me not to read, not to pry, but I couldn't. I read about their amazing vacation, the struggles and joys of their marriage on that trip. I read about the accident. I read about the grief and shock. I paused. I was bawling...a complete mess. (can't even write that without tearing up) Josh was a friend, not my best friend, truth be told he knew more about me than I knew about him. But he still meant so much to me. He had a deep care for people, and I got a chance to experience that first hand so many times. The last time I saw him, I left conversation open ended. I was down and out mad at him. It wasn't his fault, and I was taking it out on him. He accepted blame graciously as he understood what I was going through. And that was it. September came and he was gone.

I "worked through" my pain quickly, but realized quickly that I was only burying it. That came back to bite me as I was here at school. I've had a couple of good cries, and little tears here and there. The Lord has been healing me as I remember the memories I have of Josh and the conversations I have with people like my RA, but I can't tell you the pain I'm experiencing right now as I write this. Yeah, I know it's a part of life and I'll see him again. Yeah, I know everyone else who was close to Josh has to deal with it too. Yeah, I know that everyone has had someone close to them die and some of them without hope of life after death. But I love how I have heard it put, "You know why we have such a hard time with death, because it's not natural. We were not made to die. Death came from the fall. We were made to live forever." I hate death, it's a nasty thing. I know it only becomes more real as I get older. I should be pulling peace and strength from the fact that I'll see them again. And I am happy about that...but that doesn't seem to make it hurt worse, or make that pain go away.

This wound won't seem to heal...

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So this is someone's encouragement. How do I read these and be encouraged?? Why don't these words change anything in how I feel.
Arrived

Watching and waiting our whole life through
For the moment when we arrive in Glory.
We’ll be standing before His emerald throne.
O what a day it will be!

All tears are gone and suffering ceased.
Perfect new life with no earthly strife
For we’ve finished the race, run to His embrace
O what a day it will be!

When we’ve arrived, stunned and surprised,
All things resolved in the blink of an eye;
No more distractions, no sin left to fight.
The first glimpse of Jesus and faith becomes sight.

Feel the ground shake, hear thunder roll.
See blinding light and seraphim flight.
All amazed we will fall, yet the Father will call,
“Stand, I have made you my own.”

A choir with angels, martyrs and saints
Sing in His praise with no end to the day,
Shouting, “Holy, holy, holy!” to almighty God;
O what a song that will be!

When we’ve arrived, stunned and surprised,
All things resolved in the blink of an eye;
No more distractions, no sin left to fight.
The first glimpse of Jesus and faith becomes sight.
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