Thursday, November 20, 2008


"I'm guilty." echos in my mind just like it does in KJ-52's song about judgment of our lives in which Christ will take our blame before the father. Tonight was one of those rare nights where I just sort of spill whatever wants to come out of my mouth. I stepped on some toes rather firmly. I later (like 2 minutes later) apologized because I realized what I had done. As the night wore on and we had more conversation, we came to the realization that I was sticking my nose in a place where it shouldn't be unless it is as a Christian sister who is concerned, not as a Christian sister confronting. I went back to doing my homework, and I just can't concentrate. I realized that exactly what I spoke up and accused her of, I was doing in a different area of my life, just secretly.

Lord I pray that you will help cleanse my mind of the pollution that I have put there. Guide my heart back to fellowship with you and those whom I have wronged!

The Lord works in mysterious ways. When I think I'm the most in touch with Him, I'm humbled the most, with the realization that I'm such a sinner incapable of doing right!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Pity the Worms!!!

So, this isn't the greatly anticipated 3rd part to my series, but it was time to write again. I figured, while I was awake with this new found energy, I could put it to good use. I should probably explain how I got to the point where I am sitting here, listening to music and writing a blog at 12:46 on a school night.

I've been here at school for 3 months and have had yet to really get truly homesick. Now, yes, I've missed my family. I've even had the occasional, "I want to go home" moments, but true homesick where I just think I'm going to cry, scream or throw myself out a window hadn't hit me until Friday. I was planning on going home this weekend, then in a series of strange events it didn't seem like it was going to happen. After a day of letting that digest, I got really depressed. I ended up in my room bawling for about a half hour. Colleen then sat me down and looked me straight in the face and said, "You are going home this weekend or I will hurt you." She told me that she wanted me to leave at 3 and we started the search around the school for someone to come home with me.

As it turns out, everyone I would ask would be busy with the SAME paper. I finally came to the realization that I was going to have to brave the 4 hours in the car alone. Colleen and set up a pact that I would call her every hour so that SOMEONE would know that I was still alive! Some might ask at this point why I didn't just call my mother every hour, since she was the one that I was dying to see. The point of the visit was for the fact that I was homesick, just as much as it was going to be awesome to try to surprise my parents. I departed at 4, an hour after I expected to simply for the reason that I had some previously planned "dates" (meaning planned events) that I couldn't get out of. The whole trip up, I was getting a huge headache and planning different situations for surprising my parents. I arrived after an uneventful trip to an empty house and waited for my parents to return home. We had a very joyful reunion and short planning session for Saturday then all hit the sack.

Saturday was pretty much an unplanned, organized day; pretty typical for my family. Woke up to GOOD waffles made by my dad, then spent the morning running around with my mom and sitting at the senior class bake sale FREEZING to death!! After an AMAZING lunch (did I mention that I LOVE homemade food from my mommy?!?) my mom and got out the Christmas decorations. Now, before you freak out because we did Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, we have reasons for it. For one, it's snowing all the time anyways. Secondly, the stores have their Christmas decorations up, why shouldn't we. Thirdly, on Thanksgiving break time will be short to put up decorations and there really isn't any other better time when I could help. So, that being said, on with the description of my weekend. Lydia (I love that girl!) joined us for supper then her and I headed with Katie (Love that girl too!) to Marika's for a movie and socializing time! The evening sadly had to come to an end, and I went to bed.

Sunday I rose a little sluggishly, so the amazing french toast was scarfed a bit and I just rushed for the rest of the morning to get over to the church for praise team practice. I never notice how fast I lose my ability to sight read when I don't use it. But it was a fun adventure. I then was worn out by preschoolers in my mom's Sunday school class. Church was amazing!

I love my dad's preaching! The Lord uses his words in my life so much! He spoke in Ecclesiastes and it so much so spoke to me. Whether it means anything to you or not, I'm going to give you the actual notes.

Text: Ecclesiastes 5:1-5:7

I. Approach God's presence prudently. (Guard your feet!) - Eccl 5:1a

A. God knows the heart/motives/reality of the hearts that come to worship Him. - Isaiah 1:10-17

B. Responses to God's presence:

1. Confession

2. Repentance

3. Expression of your faith

C. Reactions from God:

1. Cleansing from Sin

2. (I missed this one...the power point skipped it)

II. Listen attentively, never rashly. - Eccl 5:1b

III. Speak cautiously, never hastily. - Eccl 5:2-6

A. Revere God for who He is. - vs. 2-3

B. Make good on your promises to God. - vs. 4-5 - Duet 23:21

C. Understand the price of a broken vow to God. - vs. 6-7

1. It is sin

2. Excuses are not acceptable

3. Loss may be brought upon us

So What?


"The fear of the Lord is a state of mind in which one's own attitudes, will, feelings, deeds, and goals are exchanged for God's"

- John MacArthur

As I was thinking about all the "When I grow up I want to be..." I found myself making promises to God. Nothing "serious" or so I thought. I just told Him things like, "If you show me what to do this week or reveal something this week I'll do such and such." Half the way through the sermon this morning, I knew the error of my way and was totally convicted. Let me tell you what, being stuck in a car for 4 hours alone, give you lots of God conversation time.

I arrived back at the school after driving through 6 snow storms (only one of them was bad enough that I couldn't see 3 cars ahead of me and I didn't go over 30 mph). I spent some time socializing around then headed down to do my laundry. Through the night I made a couple mistakes and took some teasing too far that led to some rather large tension between me and one of my best friends. So much so that at 11 I decided to go sit in a stairwell and wait for them to come and let me explain, which I knew they wouldn't do. I had some compassionate arms hold me and say a prayer that I'd be able give it up to God, then came the real kicker. God took this situation where I was so broken knowing that I had done this without meaning to and now had no way to fix it at all, and He used it to his advantage. He brought the right person with the right topic on mind to challenge how I thought about the whole situation. We talked until curfew (midnight) and I decided it was time to get some thoughts out. Now I find myself pretty much fully awake, so I think it's time to do some homework.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!