Monday, October 27, 2008

When I grow up I want to be... Part 2

In my searching and thinking about my life/career goals and the next step for my life, I was challenged by a friend to think of anything that I've wanted to do ever. This is not an exhaustive list, but it covers the main random ideas.

Learn to dance (anything but ballet)

Travel in the USA

Travel in Europe

Perform in a community theater production

Stay in a cabin on a mountain

Perfect singing/acting ability through coaching

Fly in a plane

Spend time on a ship

Live in an apartment complex or rented house with a group of friends

Go backpacking

Walk in a Life Walk or for another cause

Participate in a social cause event

Learn to massage

Have a makeover

Do a makeover on someone

Learn to cut hair

Go snowboarding

Overcome shyness

Travel with no reserves

Settle down with a family

Learn not to be dependant on money in a money dependant world

Disappear to the world for a time

Build something (building) in relief efforts

Get a tattoo

Live on an island

Go on a road trip

Own a fix it house to rent out until I choose to live in it

Learn to play the violin

Shave my head

Now bouncing once more off the saying about God caring less about our happiness and more about our holiness, I know that doing something just because I want to do it isn't the right idea. I still pose the question, are the emotions and desires that I have totally humanistic, or can God work through those? I know this list means absolutely nothing in the view of my life on earth or in my eternal life, but what if when doing something off of this list, I allowed God to guide me? Would it then be the right plan for my life?

I feel like in a search for my passions and desires, the things I've desired to do could shed light on what that is. So once again, I ask for prayer.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

When I grow up I want to be... Part 1

As a little girl, I was very much so a girly girl. My career goals proved that. My list went as follows: ice skater, gymnist (those two were smashed when I found my complete and utter lack of cordination and flexiblity), actress, singer and mother. Now while those were nice goals, they didn't really fit me nor my resources nor my anything. Hmmm. So I moved on in life and my next set of career goals were even better: CSI agent, fashion designer (when I have no fashion sense myself), interior designer, author, massuese, cosmatologist or teacher. Those were great too (some of them better than others), but they still just didn't seem to catch my attention or passion. That brings me to the point where I am now. Did I miss God's memo, his urging in my life telling me what to become for all the rest of my earthly days? Did I not seek God's will for my life with enough zeal or passion? Should I even be seeking God's will, or is it more, doing God's will in the situations of life I'm in? Should the better question be what does God want from a Christians life? Or, where could God use me most? Or, where could I learn the most about God?

I know the saying "God cares less about what makes you happy and more about what makes you holy." It is so true, but what if I don't feel like I'm even getting an answer on what is making me holy?

So, here is part 1 of hopefully a 3 part blog on finding the goals for my life. Be praying for me!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Ramblings at 2:48

It's 2:48 AM and I'm awake. Word of warning, don't drink a Hot Chocolate/French Vanilla drink at midnight and expect to sleep any time soon! So instead I'm filling my time with something useful, setting up my blog so inquiring family and friends can be updated on my life!

The rest of the school has just switched classes as our block just changed, but as freshman we have another block of Hermeneutics I and Pentateuch. Since I'm not taking any more electives, that means that my classes stay exactly the same. For once I'm glad for the consistancy. We had Jody Reithmiller for Genesis, which is the first half of Pentateuch, and Jody is awesome, no other way to say it! He holds our attention, never backs down from a tough question unless he just doesn't know, and will admit that somethings just DON'T matter in the eternal view of life, so therefore they don't matter enough to get worked up over. The second half of Pentateuch includes Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Numbers. Rex Gutwein taught us in Exodus. Different than Jody, Rex has no powerpoint, or typed up notes like many of the other profs. Rex just talks the whole hour, with many many rabbit trails. Yet another amazing prof. here at school! Now we have Jody once again for Leviticus and I couldn't be happier. Leviticus is a trying book for me, given my tolerance for slow reading, so the animated Jody is what keeps me awake for the majority of the class! (That and the coffee or cappuccino I have most mornings!)

Our chapel today was Pastor's Chapel and we had Joe O'Neill as a guest. He definately reopened my eyes to the spiritual battle that we fight even in our own lives. Here at school, I find myself focussing on what I can do for others and what I want to do here. I constantly commit myself to praying for everyone else: moms are having babies, friends are running away from home, friends are trying to commit suicides, youth groups are being destroyed, people are close to being kicked out because of money, etc. Then, since it is a part of a missions organization, we are encouraged to pray for our missionary partners and for others who send in prayer emails. I feel like all my attention is being up on others' needs and the spiritual battle going on at on the mission field. I found, though, that I was missing a critical part of the spiritual war, the battle over me. If I lose the battle over me, it's more than disappointing. Christ already won the battle for me, all I have to do is let him do the fighting for me, but that requires giving my strength up for His. That means letting go of the "I'm-a-big-girl-now" pride and surrendering myself to be carried on by his strength, peace and guidance.

So, it's now 3:24 AM. I know that I will still be awake for quite a bit while longer, but I figure I should probably wrap up this first blog. I know that it's boring, so very factual, but that's all I have for you right now! Look for the new ones coming out soon!